Week 1 of the MLS season has come and gone. Is your team more or less interesting to the MLS atheist*/USMNT fans out there?
*MLS Atheist: a USMNT fan that doesn’t have an MLS team he/she roots for
Here’s the link to the initial Interest Ranking for each team.
Now with tiers. Tip of the cap to Greg Velasquez for the suggestion.
Tier 1: Must Watch for a USMNT fan
NYCFC – Interest Level – Wow: I did not see this coming. Jonathan Lewis started on the right wing while James Sands(!) started at d-mid and looked pretty good. Also, Keaton Parks came on as a sub in the 88th minute. This team is now priority viewing for USMNT fans.
NYRB – Interest Level – 😍: Emir Fernandez started and played fairly well (he got fouled a lot) at forward. Kyle Duncan started and played 64 minutes at left back while Aaron Long got his usual start at CB. If Dontumma Toure somehow plays this year they may have to get a restraining order against USYNT fans.
Omir Fernandez vs Columbus Crew
— USMNT Videos (@USMNTvideos) March 3, 2019
pic.twitter.com/svVeMTcx3D
Chicago – Interest Level – Don’t screw this up!: Mihailovic played and played well. I thought his passing touch was a bit heavy when he played for the USMNT and it was a couple times in this game as well, but overall it was much better. Please don’t bench or move him for Gaitan.
Djordje Mihailovic vs LA Galaxy
— USMNT Videos (@USMNTvideos) March 3, 2019
pic.twitter.com/SrWMV2uO5r
Tier 2: There’s an intriguing reason/player to watch
LA Galaxy – Interest Level – Panicky: Some kid named Emil Cuello started and played okay. Then Efra Alvarez (he’s 16!) came on in the 60’… He left a dude for dead in the box to assist the first goal and then was critically involved in creating LA’s 2nd goal. The USSF needs to hire Nick Saban’s recruiting coordinator RIGHT NOW. Also, consult with SEC teams on what a “bag man” is and what they do.
D.C. United – Interest Level – Titillated: So let’s start talking about Paul Arriola (was that subtle enough?). In my preview I mentioned that he’d be unlikely to feature for the USMNT. I still think he’s more of a bench option than a starter, but if Pulisic plays the Mihailovic role from the January games – one wing spot is wide open. Durkin got a couple minutes…DC is solidly intriguing.
Dallas – Interest Level – Disappointed Dad Look: The starting lineup was a massive disappointment and caused me to create the meme below. Then Luchi brought on Pomykal in the 73′ and Ferreira in the 82′ to somewhat redeem themselves. We’ll see…
*Side Note* If you haven’t watched Dallas’ Gucci Gang parody “Luchi Gang,” stop reading this and go watch/listen. Awesome.
Colorado – Interest Level – Not Terrible: Cole Bassett and Kellyn Acosta both started. According to the Audi index Bassett scored a 58, while Acosta was a turquoise frog. Kei Kamara incidentally, topped the Audi rankings for the Rapids by scoring the Prince symbol.
Seattle – Interest Level – Impractical Jokers (Always on and good enough that you keep watching): Jordan Morris started and scored two goals, including one with his left foot(!). I’m not sure where he stands on the forward depth chart (I had almost mentally written him off), but this sure didn’t hurt anything. Roldan also started and played well for 90′ in central midfield.
Tier 3: I guess I could watch this
Toronto – Interest Level – Call it a comeback: Michael Bradley scored two goals and basically gave a giant middle finger to his critics. His critics I’m sure simply gave one back and explained that he still sucks. Not sure what this does for his USMNT standing with Berhalter, but I’d be shocked if he isn’t at least called up for the March friendlies.
Philadelphia –Interest Level – What the &#$@, man?!: McKenzie (who is the more exciting prospect of the two CBs imo) was on the bench and Aaronson didn’t get any minutes. I’ll be monitoring starting lineups here, but they aren’t first choice viewing based on this.
Columbus – Interest Level – Chicken for dinner? Again?: Trapp, Zardes and Steffen played.
Kansas City – Interest Level – Stink Eye: They have some exciting young talent, but none of it played this weekend. I did see a report that Busio had a minor injury, but why wasn’t Lindsey even on the bench? None of the starters are USMNT relevant.
Atlanta – Interest Level – I want to love you, but I just don’t…yet: Carleton hasn’t played yet and Bello is hurt. Miles Robinson has caught my attention though. Let’s see how this plays out.
Tier 4: I really like watching soccer and I guess I can justify this in my mind…
Orlando – Interest Level – Maybe okay? : Danilo Acosta started at LB/LWB and, from what I could tell, did not have a bluetooth earpiece in so he could talk to girls. Let’s hope he gets consistent playing time and stays in James O’Connor’s good graces.
RSL – Interest Level – I’m awake…totally wasn’t sleeping : Baird is an interesting player to keep an eye on, but that’s kind of it. Lennon started, but he’s not really in the picture, and Justen Glad is out with a broken toe.
LAFC – Interest Level – I wish Nguyen was 10 years younger – We are watching to see Walker Zimmerman hit line-breaking passes and not screw up.
San Jose – Interest Level – Right Back: Nick Lima started and was replaced at right back by Tommy Thompson. *sigh*
Portland – Interest Level – Meh: Ebobisse played most of the match. That’s it.
Tier 5: “These teams do nothing for the pool, they have betrayed us and deserve our scorn.” ~Greg Velasquez
New England – Interest Level – Hot garbage: Rennicks didn’t get off the bench and he was a USMNT fan’s only hope.
Minnesota – Interest Level – Winter in Minnesota: They’re a better team, but still not relevant from a USMNT point of view.
Houston – Interest Level – Unchanged, still 💩 : Yup. Beasley is still old and good at soccer-ing.
Montreal – Interest Level – Nope: Still no USMNT reason to watch this team.
Vancouver – Interest Level – Nope, nope, nope: I have nothing to say here.
I hope you’ve enjoyed this and I may even turn it into a weekly thing. I’ll see what the response is like and make that decision.
