If you’re reading this there’s a very good chance you’re a soccer nerd and you already know most/all of what you’re about to read. I’ll try to keep it entertaining for you. If you are actually new. Welcome.
Meet “The Man”
The United States Men’s National Team plays in CONCACAF, which…I’m not going to lie…I don’t remember what that stands for. *Without Google Attempt* Confederation Of North and Central America the Caribbean Association Football.
Actual Meaning – The Confederation of North, Central American and Caribbean Association Football – TBH mine wasn’t that much worse than the real thing. We’re capitalizing OF but not AND…really? An extra A in there would have made that acronym ridiculous. 🙄 It’s the governing body of the sport for the region the US team plays in. It was/is super corrupt. To sum it up – the subject of this video was the President of CONCACAF for years.
CONCACAF is the local politics branch of FIFA, which stands for Federation International of Football (it makes sense in Swiss). It is the supreme governing body for the sport around the world and you guessed, is also super corrupt. Former president Sepp Blatter was forced out in disgrace in 2015 and replaced by a dude named Johnny Baby…err…Gianni Infantino. Who….is also super corrupt.
The Competitions
The World Cup. This is why everyone puts up with FIFA being so corrupt. The World Cup is the best, most watched sporting event on the planet – they run it and wring every last cent from it they can.
The Gold Cup. The US plays in the Gold Cup every two years. No one really likes the Gold Cup. Us soccer nerds always watch it, but it’s basically a two team tournament. Unless the US or Mexico wet themselves (thanks Jurgen) that’s the final and one of those two teams win. Since its inception in 1991 the US has won 6, Mexico has won 7, and Canada (!) has won once.
The CONCACAF Nations League. This competition was made up as CONCACAF board members drank around a firepit in someone’s backyard. (Probably) Everyone thinks friendlies/televised scrimmages are boring (they are), so they are being replaced with some sort of regional league/tournament that will have promotion/relegation for countries. The US is in a three team group – when they win that group (Canada and Cuba) they are sent to a four team group where a “champion” will be determined. Teams from lower tiers will compete to be promoted into the top tier and destroyed by Mexico, the US, and Costa Rica. TLDR – It’s a good tourney to cap dual nationals and try out some younger players.
The Olympics. This is technically a youth tournament because FIFA rules with an iron fist and wants to make sure there is no competition for the World Cup. The teams are U23, but are allowed to bring three overage players. Some countries do, some don’t. It’s my theory that the US is going to make the 2020 Olympics a big time priority since the majority of our best players are in that age range, but that’s a different article.
Youth World Cups. The U20 World Cup is pretty legit. It’s almost like watching good college soccer. The players are current or future pros and it’s fun to watch. The U17 World Cup is watchable, but now you’re getting a little sketchy. These are KID kids and most of them will probably bust for one reason or another. It’s kinda like being into college football/basketball recruiting.
The Team
Q: Are we any good?
A: Not yet. The team hasn’t had a good manager since Bob Bradley left (sorry Jurgen stans) and the really talented players are very young. I think we have a good coach now though and it does look like we are beginning to stack quality youth teams, so perhaps the 2026 World Cup here in the US will be interesting. We’ll qualify for the 2022 World Cup, but barring a miracle, the team will be too young to make any real noise.
Pick a Favorite Player
Possible Choices. The standard decision would be Christian Pulisic. He’s an exciting young attacker. He plays for Chelsea in the Premier League and he’s really freakin’ good.
Tyler Adams is another fine choice. He might, low key, be better than Pulisic already and he plays for a rising German team (RB Leipzig). You can get in on him now and still be a little hipster about it.
Weston McKennie is another fun possibility. He’s good, he’s got personality for days and he could be a breakout star this season. He spent last season getting jerked around on a terrible Schalke team, but things are looking up for him…I think.
Matt Miazga is an outside the box choice, but if you like a heel he’s your man. He has fallen out with a coach already, grabbed a dude’s nuts – AND gotten away with it, and is the star of the whole you’re short I’m tall hand gesture thing with Mexico. He’s a jerk in the best possible way if he’s on your team.
Pick a Least Favorite Player
Look – there’s always a player that you can’t stand. No matter what sport you’re a fan of there’s some guy that you think stinks and you can’t understand why the manager/coach/whatever plays him. Some past examples for the USMNT: Jeff Agoos, Jonathan Bornstein, Frankie Hejduk (I know some of you won’t believe me but there was a time when people hated seeing his name in the lineup), Ricardo Clark, Brian Ching, Michael Orozco, etc.
Some current candidates: Gyasi Zardes, Michael Bradley, Jozy Altidore, Tim Ream, Omar Gonzalez, Wil Trapp. I’m sure these guys are all lovely people, but you need to forget that and pick one that just INCENSES you when you see his name in the lineup or even on the roster. It’s all part of the fan experience.
The Coach
Generally speaking you should think the coach is an idiot, calls in the wrong players, and has gotten the tactics all wrong. The exception is usually for the first 1-2 years after a new coach is hired. It takes a minute to figure out how exactly the current coach is screwing up.
Berhalter is an exception, sadly. Due to the massive failure of the last Wold Cup campaign and the general incompetence of the hiring process by the USSF people are already calling for Berhalter’s head. After a relatively short time “everyone” has decided that Gregg’s system is too complex and he’s playing his best players out of position to accommodate Wil Trapp and/or Michael Bradley.
Be “Mad Online”
Choose a medium, but feel free to cross pollinate. Twitter, Reddit, and BigSoccer are the big ones, but there are many other message boards around that can get you upset. Once you have chosen one of these you need to find a nemesis. Argue with this person incessantly. Often there is one person that serves as a nemesis for many people. Feel free to begin with someone like this and argue them into submission. You are the expert and they are an idiot. Never forget this fact.
Get Gouged by US Soccer
It’s a rite of passage. The team is playing a friendly near where you live. Hey. Why don’t you and a friend or you and your child go see the game? That’ll be $120 please. Family friendly pricing for a sport that needs a little boost after a historic disaster…please, that’s just crazy talk.
TLDR
- Leadership is corrupt and/or incompetent
- Player X is great and should play in position Y
- Player Z is terrible and should never be called up or see the field
- The USMNT stinks and you know exactly how to fix them
- I’m right, you’re wrong and here is a thread to prove it
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Lol. Not bad.
PS, the WORST USMNT player of ALL-TIME was Edgar Castillo. Hejduk was a (very) close second until I hung out with the guy…now he’s 3rd (because Frankie is an awesome dude). I’ll slide Ream into 2nd. Apparently I HATE right backs. Haha.
Now that I think about it, maybe that’s why I seem to be less high on Dest than most (and I love Ajax!)….
Lol. I always rooted for Edgar to play well and solve the LB situation, but that dude just didn’t play any D.