Tactical Analysis: Paxton Pomykal’s Mustache

Paxton started the season sporting a sweet ‘stache. Quarantine has only improved the situation. The question is what does this tell us about Pomykal?

Let’s see what we can deduce.

Commitment

When MLS started up this season we were all pretty excited to see if Paxton would kick on from last year, put injuries behind him, and really excel for FC Dallas in 2020. Then he checked into the first game against the Philadelphia Union looking like this:

I can’t speak for Gregg Berhalter, but I have to think that this immediately moved him higher in the midfield pecking order for the national team. Mustache on it’s own is a strong move, but mustache + headband is next level.

Then the world ends, quarantine hits, and everything goes dark for a while. When Pomykal re-emerges he looks like this:

The mustache is fuller and more manly looking after the lock down. Clearly, Pomykal spent the time refining his game in whatever ways he could. The mustache game was certainly not neglected. Add in the steely blue-eyed stare and the lip curl and you’ve got something cooking.

Aggression

It’s been determined by psychologists that facial hair makes men appear more aggressive. Perhaps Pomykal’s mustache is an effort to be more intimidating on the field. If one is going to be a ball-winning midfielder then being able to stare down the opposition while your stache questions their manhood is a psychological advantage. He already gets stronger towards the end of matches when everyone else is getting tired. Doing that while looking 17% (this percentage is 100% made up) more aggressive certainly won’t hurt anything.

Marital Status

He’s a young guy so this isn’t a shock, but the mustache confirms that he’s unmarried. Once that happens facial hair is much more of a “team decision.” (I used to just buzz my hair, but was informed that my shaved head looks like…a male member 😂, so I no longer do that.) The unmarried designation ensures that Paxton will be able to devote 100% of his time and energy to the game without having to worry about spending time away from wife, kids, etc.

Cojones

The confidence to risk the mustache is clearly a good indicator of future success. The self-assuredness needed to play an audacious through ball or try a panenka is no less than the intestinal fortitude required to don a lip sweater. It says, “I’m not worried about the judgments of others. Now watch me split this defense.”

There are players out there known as “confidence players.” When they are feeling it they play well and when they are not, they don’t. Pomykal’s confidence looks to be unshakable with that cookie duster in place. The question here is do we have a Samson situation? Will the confidence remain when the ol’ push broom meets the razor? Let us hope we don’t find out in the near future.

Actual Musings

As fun as Paxton’s mustache is, his development and performance in this tournament will be worth watching. Weston McKennie looks to have leveled up at the end of the Bundesliga season and Berhalter has issued a couple hints that imply he sees Tyler Adams as an #8. If that’s the case (I really hope it’s not but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ) then the front two midfield positions are pretty stacked. Here are the players in (reasonable) competition for those two spots:

• Weston McKennie
• Tyler Adams
• Gio Reyna (probably a winger for the US, but he’s played centrally for BVB)
• Duane Holmes
• Brenden Aaronson
• Paxton Pomykal
• Sebastian Lletget
• Cristian Roldan
• Alfredo Morales
• Richie Ledezma (as soon as he debuts with PSV anyway)

That’s a pretty impressive list. It’s not Spain or Brazil, but it’s not bad. Even given that the USMNT has about 5 of these guys injured at a time, it’s still going to be tough to crack the starting lineup.

It’s always fun to watch FC Dallas as an American soccer fan, but Pomykal has made it even a little more so. Thanks for indulging in my silliness if you’ve made it this far. Looking forward to having MLS back soon.

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